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Omar Is An Asshole


The beginning...

It all began in hot and muggy and nasty and pathetically-fucked Dallas when Kirstin decided to surprise Simon with a trip to El Lay to see his best friend, Dave, for the Memorial Day Weekend, May 28 - 31, 1999. Simon was pissed because it was another expense on already to-the-max credit cards... but because of, they had no choice but to fly out.

Dave's sister, Robyn, had just moved to El Lay (Redondo Beach, to be exact) to begin overgraduate studies at USC (sing it, "Tusk"!).... So, Simon & Kirstin and Dave and Robyn & Karl (Rob's boyfriend) spent a few drunk & hazy/lazy days on Hermosa Beach, staying at the wonderful Sea Sprite Motel.

And then their good friend Gary (originally from Cali, now in Dallas) joined them (seeing as he he was already in El Lay on business).... So an ever better time was had by all, especially when Gary's sister Adrienne (who, at one point, was an object of desire for many of Gary's friends) and her fabulously and dryly-cool boyfriend Dano (book 'em -- sorry, it had to be said) showed up and we wandered from bar to bar, getting progressively drunker.

However... the high point (if you're so inclined) of the weekend had to be that Sunday morning as a hungover crew (Gary, Kirstin & Simon) staggered into Hennessey's Tavern at 8 a.m. Apart from the really hot waitresses (young, perky and able to cut through even the worst hangovers with, what seemed at the time, seductive grins aimed in Gary & Simon's general direction), there was one other occupied table....

At first glance, the three "gentlemen" appeared to be similarly hungover Memorial Day Weekenders... ah, but those first impressions can be so deceiving.... To cut this long story short, Simon appreciated their choice of tequila for a morning pick-me-up and was soon press-ganged into a similar wake-up call....

And then things turned just a little weird....

Whilst in a discussion with the dudes from Colorado, mention was made of transporting marijuana via America's fine jetways... and though the participants involved in this early morning tequila quaffing do not condone such obviously illegal transgressions, certain parties were privvy to the "under the ballsack" method of transportation.... Within seconds, the ringleader of the Colorado pack had unzipped, whipped and flipped... and there, in the middle of Hennessey's, was as fine a scrotum as has been witnessed by the aforementioned.... This did not go down well with Kirstin who had just been served the tavern's "sausage and egg's" breakfast.... It did, however, become a story that would be passed down through the ages (much like Homer's stories of Greeks and Trojans and buttocks and heels) and cement the idea that all Memorial Day Weekends from that point forth would have to be observed in Hermosa Beach....

Click on a picture below to see a larger image

Simon, Kirstin, Robyn & Dave
Kirstin surrounded by hats... little did Simon know...
Simon looks happier than Karl with Robyn's decision to 'show some tit'
Forgotten dude on left; 'ballsack' man in the centre; Simon on the right... tequila at 8 a.m.
Happy Gary... snarling Simon... cool Heineken cans
Simon & Dave... obviously up to no good
Dave... obviously after having done something naughty
Hermosa Beach... just off the boardwalk